George Whitefield—A man who (knowingly) married an unattractive woman

Throughout the next few weeks, this blog will examine certain “snapshots” of George Whitefield, which I hope will bring a deeper appreciation for this servant and a greater love for the God whom he gave his life to.

Here is a quote from Whitefield:

“I married one who was a widow, of about 36 years of age….neither rich in fortune nor beautiful as to her person, but, I believe a true child of God, and would not, I think, attempt to hinder me in his work for the world.” (p.113)

If the words of Whitefield come as a shock to you, then the events leading up to the marriage will absolutely astonish you.

Whitefield himself never thought of himself as a lifetime bachelor. He assumed that God had someone special for him. Yet he would have never imagined that his friendship with the great Howell Harris would lead him to his wife.

Who is Howell Harris? History describes him as fearless, dynamic, tireless and “a man’s man”. From his conversion, this school teacher began to preach the gospel with uncompromising zeal. It is he, not Whitefield, who begin to preach in the open air to thousands of his countrymen. God blessed Harris tremendously and any Christian influence in the country of Wales can likely be traced back to the ministry of Howell Harris.

Now we come to the events leading up to the marriage of Whitefield:

Mrs. James (the future Mrs. Whitefield) was a widow and very much in love with Howell Harris. The problem was that Harris was convinced that God wanted him to remain a bachelor, which would allow him to minister “undivided” to the Lord. Convinced of this calling, Harris believed that Whitefield would be an ideal husband for Mrs. James and she would be a godly wife for the young evangelist.

When presented the possible arrangement to the widow, Mrs. James responded with understandable hesitation, anger and disappointment. She did not want to marry George Whitefield….she wanted Harris to recant his vow of celibacy and marry her. Yet Harris would not yield to her tearful request and through it all….the young Whitefield would not be discouraged by her lack of enthusiasm and preceded to promise to love her and not be jealous of her affection for the masculine Harris.

In the end, she accepted the proposal of Whitefield and said goodbye to her present love.  

What, if anything, can we learn from Whitefield?

First, Whitefield cared more about inner beauty than outer beauty.

People can say they prefer inner beauty over external beauty, but would any of these people make a lifetime commitment to someone they admit to being “unattractive”? Yet this was the sentiment of Whitefield. The bigger question we should ask is this: What would compel a man (one of global fame…mind you) to minimize the importance of external beauty. The answer is someone who cares more about the gospel than the fleeting pleasures of life. Maybe the answer is found in the definition of “helper”.  Apparently, Whitefield applied this verse primarily in the light of his gospel calling. He was convinced that she was a godly woman and would complement the ministry God had given him.

But what about “attraction”? Isn’t that important? I guess I would say preferable…yes, necessary….no. Let’s turn the logic around, shall we? If attraction is necessary, then why doesn’t the bible talk about it more? If attraction is necessary, then does that mean that you cannot actively love your wife unless there is daily attraction? Here is what I propose: Encourage young men to spend more time reading biographies of men like Whitefield, rather than buying into the “date till you find your soul-mate” nonsense.

Second, Whitefield’s marriage represented the mystery of Ephesians 5:31-32.

Ephesians 5:31-32 "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." ³² This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.

Sadly, I have spent minimal time over the years thinking about “the mystery” of Ephesians 5:32. Yet in recent reflection, it is clear that part of the “mystery” is that Christ gave Himself up for the church. His sacrifice (both during His ministry and on the cross) is the perfect example for us of what a loving marriage is supposed to look like.  This is why we can say that Whitefield’s marriage portrayed well this mystery. Even without “romance”, their marriage began solely on their love for Christ and a commitment to actively love for each other. I would go so far to say that the Whitefield’s marriage looked more like the mystery (than most Christian marriages) because we know that Christ’s love for the church was similar to His love for the nation of Israel. Israel was loved, not because of anything within them (Deut. 7:6-7), but because God chose to set His unconditional love on them. May those who desire to marry choose someone who passionately loves Christ and to those who are already married.....commit to live together with an undivided zeal for the gospel and the glory of God!